Redemption

Lately, I've been frustrated with God because I've been asking Him some questions, and I haven't gotten any answers.
There have been so many times I've heard His voice, known what He wanted, known His plan for me. But not lately.
And so, today, as I was asking Him again my questions, I got my answer.
"You keep asking because you know my answer, and you just don't like it."
Ouch.
Truth.
In my mind, I'd already picked out my desired answer, concocted an amazing scenario in which it would all work out the way I wanted, all the while forgetting that, in fact, I am not God.
I read a quote recently in the book "Unfashionable" by Tullian Tchividjian that described the way I have made decisions in my life:
"To be a wordly person, is, in fact, to be a 'practical' or 'functional' atheist. It's someone who--despite all he professes--lives and makes daily decisions as if God doesn't exist. A practical atheist is a person who comes to conclusions about money, business, worship, entertainment, ministry, education, or whatever else without the directing influence of God and his revealed truth..."

I've been a Christian for years, and I can rattle off a list of things I believe. But in my reality, my life, I don't live this way. I make decisions based upon what I want, not upon the answer I've sought from God.
I forget that God is not capable of doing wrong. That He is the ultimate Redeemer, and that if I would just listen and then, the tricky part, obey, He will work it out.
Not in that cliche, "happily-ever-after" way that I mistakenly believed for years, but in a way that will, as it has so many times in the past,
Blow. My. Mind.
That is the way He redeems. So that He gets all the credit, and I can only stare in disbelief.
He takes my knotted-up mess that I am just so sure can never be made right and beautifully reworks it.
So, I'm gonna take that scary leap, jump that gap between what I see and things unseen.
And choose to believe that He will redeem.
"... stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near." (Luke 21:28)